i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
