That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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