he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
