there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
