Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
