I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
