...so i touched it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
