I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
