bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
