I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
