Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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