Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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