Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
