the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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