doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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