doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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