just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
