I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
