Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
