Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
