I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
