It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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