I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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