fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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