So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
