If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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