Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
