kristin has been a bad kristin
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
