i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
