i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
