god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Small penises have feelings too.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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