I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
