my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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