New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
