maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
