I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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