I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
