he shaved USA in his pubs
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
