Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
