I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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