I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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