he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
