its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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