I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
