The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
