Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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