Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
