I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The power of my boobs compel you
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
