did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
