There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
