There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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