dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
